Seriously... The school is trying to turn everyone in to a no life bastard/bitch.
Like, hello? This is our life. You already made school compulsory, now you make us go to your total-waste-of-time activities? This is OUR life. We get to choose which path we want to go. I seriously don't understand why school do all this shit. Isn't originally a place for us to study? What has it become now? Isn't studying stressful and tiring enough? They still want us to go to their activities?
What if we can't finish our homeworks because of that activity? What if we don't get a good result for our CCA? What if we don't achieve a good grade for our exams? No, they don't hold any responsibility. All the faults comes back to us, the students.
Yes, I may be exagerating. But, really, I don't see a need in all this crap.
What happen to the "Freedom of speech", the "Freedom to control your life", the "Freedom to... make mistakes?" Teachers even want to control want we say, what we do, our daily lives... It's as if we are living for the school, for the teachers, for our assignments. Say something inapproriate, they call you "a person with no respect". Do something that's unique, they call you "a person who do things without thinking". Make a mistake, and they say you don't listen in class.
Enough of ranting. Let's enter a despairing topic for the body of the post after an angry introduction.
Band yesterday was another worst practice I had. Chuan Jie was absent for band practice. I thought I could lead tuba section to the end of practice. But everything just went wrong.
We played 4 pieces yesterday. Singapore Flyer, Ride, Dawn of a New Day, and Choreography. The most mistake-proof is Ride. Though I think we sound very much different if ChuanJie is here. Singapore Flyer gave Mr Tan the most headache. Tuba section... I don't know what happened. It just collapsed yesterday.
Even me, just what was wrong with me yesterday? Everything was going haywire. From tuning to rhythm, from tone to loudness. Singapore Flyer slowed down. Ride high note couldn't reach. Dawn of a new day slowed down pathetically for 1 whole beat. Choreography... The whole tuba section just played with it's own rhythm. Every tuba players had their own speed...
Yes, I did felt demoralised. And when Mr Tan said we are all making mistakes now because Chuan Jie is not around. He carried on asking: "He is not going to be around in one month's time you know? How can you still depend on him?" I felt even more discouraged. As the most senior member in tuba after Chuan Jie, how could I not able to support my own section when our SL is not present for practice?
But I know I cannot stay being so discouraged. I have a duty to do. I have to take up ChuanJie's role as a senior. I have to stay strong. I have to get better, I have to improve.
Mr Tan is really striving for a gold. Otherwise, he wouldn't even bother the small details and make us play till it's perfect. But are we also striving for a gold? Is our goal the same as Mr Tan's? Even if we have our GOAL as GOLD, are we striving for it? I'm afraid. I really am. We've worked so hard. Why not work even harder to have more guarantee in achieving a gold? Don't give up, Jun Rong, you have to stay strong and perservere. There's no other way out.
Let's head on to a... I-don't-know-what-to-call-it ending of the post.
I don't know what to say. It started from a very small thing. Furthermore, it was a misunderstanding. All of us know that ourselves. How are you able to stay angry at us since yesterday, because of that damn small thing?
Qinyan has not been laughing as much since that "incident". Because you still wouldn't want to talk to us. Because you are still angry for I-don't-know-what reason. But seriously, I don't see any reason you should or can still be angry at us. We've already apologised. And we did not only apologised once. We apologised multiple times, just because of that small misunderstanding! We also did apologised sincerely. It's not like we said "sorry" insincere or what. Why are you still ignoring us?!
I really don't understand how you can stay angry. Even so, we still include you in our daily conversation or ask you to join us for recess or after school. And what did we get in return? Your attitude, your ignorance. I was at first hurt, by you ignoring us. But now, I'm pissed. How could you just ignore us? Aren't we your friends? TOO?!
We waited for you outside the classroom for you to be ready to join us to go recess or morning assembly. But you returned our favor by acting like you don't know us, and walk straight and fast to your friends.
Enough is enough. If you don't recognise us as friends, I won't waste efforts trying to gain your forgiveness too. Plus, IT'S JUST A GOD DAMN SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not detesting you. But I don't guarantee I won't in the future. I post, because I don't get what you think and yes, I'm pissed. And maybe you will read it and talk to Qinyan because you might just be soft hearted. However pissed I am, I want to let you know, you're currently still in my best friends list. I hope I will not remove you from that list.
Sorry if you readers are tuning in everyday and see new posts and thinks it's irritating to read on or whatever. Have a lot of thoughts these days. Have to vent it out.
fell in love with music @ 7:15 PM
