yes, i should really believe in myself now. believe that i can play my tuba nicely. yes, it's time that i play my tuba nicely now. why am i still giving suckish tone?!
Ever since the day i joined tuba section, i dun think i've helped out chuan jie at all. I think all i gave him was troubles and burden. like seriously, mistakes and attitude wise? damn! He should have punished or scolded me a lot of times but he didnt. now, im still making shitty mistakes. why can't i just play the songs nicely, perfectly?! god damn it. chuan jie is holding up tuba section alone and me, as a senior, is not helping, instead, gives trouble. WTF IS THIS?!
Playing skills, attitude, behaviour, confidence, can i really be the most senior member of lower brass section? much less an SL. Am i really able to lead? Do i really have the qualification?
I really want lower brass section to excel. with or without seniors. next year, im going to be a damn sec 3, with all remedials flooding in. and god damn it! y in the world did i choose triple science?! ok, so next year, im going to be sec 3, with more remedials because im in triple science. and chuan jie and senmian will be sec fours, with more remedials than they have in sec 3 because they are revising for their Os. Will Weizie, Yaoren, Yikai and Nadhirah feel insecure when the seniors are not here? Will they break down in the middle of the song? Will they even skip practices just because the seniors are not here?
Even me, im not even confident with what i play when chuan jie's not around sometimes. and my tone is not getting better (FUCK). my sight reading is still like shit. my rhythm is not as good. ok, at this point of time, i guess i should really let my musician dream die off.
Yes, im not believing in myself now. and i know i should be believing. because if i dun believe in myself, how would my section believe me as a senior? How would they even believe themselves if i, myself dun believe in myself?!
Now, what i can do, or what we can do, is to practice, and believe in ourselves. have confidence and keep on playing. until one day, we really excel in our instruments. All the best. (:
No, im not going to show my emo side to my friends again. They have no reason to worry for me. Im going to be independent and solve my own problems. My friends have their own problems too. They dun have the time to help. and afterall, 1 person being sad is better than 2 person being sad. So from tomorrow on, everyone will only know the Junrong that laughs crazily, non stop, until he hugs his stomach in pain and gasp for air. The Junrong that is carefree, nothing to emo about.
fell in love with music @ 9:10 PM
